How to Re-engage in Life. Altering The Survival Mindset Trap | Part - 2 Coping with life altering events and chronic illness support

A watercolor painting depicts a woman enveloped in swirling clouds, symbolizing the disorienting and obscured state associated with brain fog. Her face partially hidden, she seems to blend into the misty, dreamlike atmosphere.

Even when the mind is loud and the body feels unsettled you can still create a path back toward a life that feels worth living. 

Even with the knowledge I had from my past work experience and all the other things in life that I had survived, the storm consumed me. In the beginning I did not understand why or how

these safety shifts worked I just knew they did. I am not even sure how I discovered them. When things began to open and lightened for me, I could then look back to my past work knowledge in behavioral wellness coaching, alternative education, and mindfulness-based teaching and with some research I figured out the why.

Understanding what activates chemical messengers, the effects they have and what you can do about them can help you create your own personal safety shifts using the prompts and questions at the end of this blog.

Why Safety Shifts Work and the chemical messengers your brain runs on.

When people struggle with focus, emotional regulation, motivation, or sensory overload, there is a process happening underneath the surface. Your brain runs on chemical messengers (the stress hormones we mentioned in part 1) and even tiny imbalances can change how you think feel, focus and function. They help regulate attention and motivation and that's why overwhelm is not simply about trying harder. Below are some chemical messengers, the actives that activate them and the effect they have.

Chemical messengers

• Dopamine (Reward & Motivation): Triggered by completing small tasks, victory dances, and new discoveries. Dopamine drives the "feel good" pursuit of goals.

• Serotonin (Mood & Emotion): Sunshine directly aids in serotonin synthesis. Hobbies and music stabilize serotonin, preventing drops in mood.

• Norepinephrine (Focus & Energy): Listening to upbeat music and discovering new things increase norepinephrine, which boosts alertness and attention.

• Acetylcholine (Learning & Memory): Highly engaged during hobbies, music, and learning new things, supporting memory retention and cognitive processing.

• Glutamate (Excitatory): The primary driver for fast neural communication. It is highly active during engaging, stimulating, and novel activities.

• GABA (Calming & Inhibitory): Hobbies and music help regulate glutamate by releasing GABA, which acts as the "brake pedal" for the brain to reduce stress and anxiety.

• Oxytocin (Connection and Trust) 20 second hugs, real conversations not small talk, caring for a person, pet, plant or yourself.

• Endorphins (Pain Relief and Euphoria) Any movement you enjoy, genuine laughter, creativity

  
  

Cortisol and Adrenaline are the stress hormones that try to protect you. Optimal levels of Cortisol can balance your mood and an Adrenaline boost can be highly rewarding. They are also the biological alarm system that floods your body faster than your brain can process them and severely alters your physical state so you are prepared to either fight or flee from a perceived threat. I am sure you can understand why you need to be able to have some control over how they are effecting your body.

Cortisol is your body's primary stress hormone. It helps regulate mood, motivation, and fear by preparing you to respond to danger. While chronic high levels cause anxiety, optimal levels support a balanced mood by providing baseline daily energy and assisting your body in recovering from the physical effects of stress.

How Cortisol Affects Your Mood

• At Normal Levels: It gives you the drive to tackle your day, keeps negative moods in check, and suppresses temporary inflammation.

• When Too High (Chronic Stress): Chronically elevated cortisol can lead to increased anxiety, brain fog, depression, and poor sleep quality.

• When Too Low (Adrenal Insufficiency): Abnormally low levels may result in severe fatigue, low motivation, and overall lethargy.

Ways to Decrease High Cortisol

• Practice Deep Breathing: Controlled breathing stimulates the parasympathetic ("rest and digest") nervous system to actively lower cortisol.

• Prioritize Quality Sleep: Chronic sleep deprivation causes higher cortisol levels. Keep your room cool, dark, and limit electronics before bed.

• Exercise Regularly: Physical activity burns off stress induced cortisol and helps improve your overall sleep quality.

• Eat a Balanced Diet: Consume a whole food diet rich in fiber while limiting added sugars.

Ways to Increase Low Cortisol

• Eat Regular Meals: Skipping meals can cause your body to release extra cortisol to raise blood sugar. Eating consistently helps maintain steady energy.

• Get Natural Sunlight: Exposing yourself to natural light shortly after waking up helps signal the brain to naturally elevate morning cortisol.

• Reduce Long term Exhaustion: If you feel chronically burnt out, resting and reducing over training or over working allows your adrenal glands to recover.

Adrenaline is a primary stress hormone that triggers the "fight or flight" response. It helps moods associated with excitement, intense focus, alertness, and euphoria. However, chronic excess leads to anxiety and panic. You can consciously regulate adrenaline through specific physical, mental, and environmental adjustments.

While adrenaline is infamous for stress, in controlled environments, its boost can be highly rewarding.

How Adrenaline Helps Your Mood

• Excitement & Thrill: Spikes in adrenaline—mixed with dopamine—produce a "runner's high" or the thrill sought in extreme sports like skydiving.

• Heightened Focus: It oxygenates the brain, enhancing vigilance, cognitive processing, and alertness.

• Pain Suppression: It acts as a temporary anesthetic, blocking pain signals to help you push through demanding tasks.

How to Increase Adrenaline

• Vigorous Breathing: Specific fast paced or continuous inhalation patterns (like the Wim Hof method) can flood your sympathetic nervous system.

• High Intensity Exercise: Pushing your body through strenuous bursts of activity or weightlifting signals the adrenal glands to release energy.

• Cold Exposure: Quick bursts of intense cold, such as a cold shower, force the body to release catecholamines to regulate internal temperature.

• Exciting Activities: Participating in competitive sports, riding rollercoasters, or watching intense thrillers.

How to Decrease Adrenaline

• Deep Breathing: Engage in the parasympathetic "rest and digest" response by lengthening your exhalations to lower your heart rate.

• Mindfulness & Meditation: Practices like meditation or yoga reduce the brain's emotional stress center halting adrenaline production.

• Cut Stimulants: Limit or eliminate caffeine and nicotine, which directly stimulate adrenal glands and trigger artificial adrenaline spikes.

• Light Exercise: Gentle, rhythmic activities like taking a nature walk or light stretching can help burn off excess stress hormones without spiking your system.

  
  

Now that you have more understanding about how chemical messengers work, I hope you can understand and put into practice safety shifts and see how they work for you.

Below are a few safety shifts that work for me. Try them, tweak them and make them yours, or build your own list. Your nervous system can learn calm again, slowly, kindly and for real.

Everyday Safety Shifts

1. Mindful Chores (e.g., Washing Dishes): Transforming a repetitive task into a quiet moment of gratitude by focusing on the feeling of the water and the act of cleaning, serving as a mental "reset button".

2. Savoring a cup of tea or coffee Focusing entirely on the warmth and taste to ground yourself for the day and cultivate gratitude, treating the quiet as a "sanctuary" rather than just a pause in activity.  

3. Drinking water—intentionally noticing how it feels in my body instead of rushing

4. Timing meals in a predictable way so my nervous system learns trust

5. Finishing a small, quiet task—like fixing something with your hands or folding laundry—and feeling a sense of calm accomplishment

6. Movement Wiggling, stretching, or shaking my arms even when I felt too weak to move

7. Self-reflection Taking time to write down thoughts without judgment to process your feelings, allowing you to connect with your inner voice and allow self-reflection and emotional processing.

8. Nature Walking or Gardening: The purpose is to reconnect with yourself and the world, using the senses to move away from chaotic thoughts. A short, playful walk outside instead of forced, structured exercise—letting your body lead with joy

9. Observing the Little Things: Watching your pet or loved one enjoy a simple pleasure, such as smelling a flower or laughing. Gazing at the sky or noticing a patch of sunlight on the floor allowing the mind to rest in appreciation of the present moment, which fosters contentment. 

10. Doing one thing I genuinely want every day, no matter how small.

11. Laughing at absurd things—joy teaching my body, “You’re safe.”

12. Naming something I see, Something I feel, and something I hear—anchoring in the present. I see the kitchen cabinets, I feel the texture of my sweater, I hear someone talking.  I see the light coming through the window, I feel my feet on the floor, I hear the traffic.  

Using Nature as Safety Shift

Nature honestly feels like medicine to me. Nature doesn’t ask anything of me, it doesn’t need to be fixed or improved, it is just there. There is something about standing next to a tree, sitting on the grass or staring out over the ocean that reminds me how beautiful the world is and makes me feel whole and at peace. 

Spending time outdoors is a highly effective way to improve our overall wellbeing and regulate emotions. The positive effects are undeniable, from stress reduction and mood improvement to enhanced cognitive functioning and fosters deeper connections with ourselves and others, and can help find a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in life.

In a world where we are increasingly disconnected from nature, it is important to recognize and embrace the healing power of nature. Maybe it’s a daily walk in the park, a weekend hike in the woods, or simply sitting under a tree. Take a step outside, breathe in the fresh air, and let the wonders of the natural world nurture you.

Sensory

• While sitting outdoors consciously observe your surroundings. Identify things you can see, (the clouds, a car) things you can physically feel (a breeze, texture of a leaf), things you can hear (birds, rustling leaves), things you can smell, and anything you can taste, (a piece of candy, salt in the air)

• Take a moment to physically touch earth or the rough bark of a tree. Focus on the physical textures and shift your brain away from overwhelming emotions. 

Behavioral

• Take a slow deliberate walk or practice light stretching in a local green space. Instead of a strenuous workout.

• A tangible rewarding focus is to directly engagement with nature, such as gardening, potting plants, or even just tending to an indoor houseplant.

• Intentionally watch a storm pass, sunbathe for 10 minutes, or cloud watch during the day.

Cognitive

• Bring a notebook outside and write down your thoughts or draw. The natural environment helps you to view your current emotional state with a fresh, calmer perspective.

• Listen to the natural soundscapes outdoors or use ambient apps to recreate natural sounds, which can help shift your mindset.

• If you find that being outside is difficult or inaccessible, or if you simply prefer your own home, consider setting up indoor plants, taking in views from a window, or listening to a guided nature soundtrack or watch a nature show on TV.

I recently had my umpteenth MRI, this time for my neck. I know the routine. Because my energy is limited, I avoid wearing anything with metal so I do not have to spend extra energy changing in and out of hospital clothes. This time, the facility had a new policy, and I was told I had to change into hospital attire. That was not the only unexpected change. It was the first time I went into the machine headfirst, and instead of the headset I was used to, they gave me earplugs. They positioned me as comfortably as they could, but my neck still hurt in that position. I was told to lie completely still for the twenty-five-minute test. I typically try to concentrate on the sound, I think it sounds like a techno remix and sometimes I make up words. But, during the scan, I had my invisible itching, and my lower back and legs were aching. I did everything I could to push through, relax and ignore everything so I could stay still and not need to redo it or be in there longer. 

When I got out of the MRI machine, my body was in pain. My anxiety had soared, though I did not fully notice it until I left the facility. I did not want to be positive. It was not that I refused to try; it was that I could not imagine how to. I felt defensive and, rightfully, sorry for myself. It seemed like nothing would help, and the tools I usually rely on felt too far away.

Then I decided that if I truly believed this process worked, I had to trust it and try it, even though I did not believe it would help. I asked myself: What can I see? The ugly parking lot. What can I feel? The sticky heat. What can I hear? Noisy traffic. I felt justified in my frustration. Then I thought, okay, find something nice. What can I see? A pretty tree. What can I feel? The warmth of the sun. What can I hear? A bird. I kept doing the process over and over, finding different things to see, feel, and hear, until I began to notice a shift. At first, it was slight, then it became more noticeable. I found myself thinking about my granddaughter and about my husband, and how wonderful and supportive he is. It took me about twenty minutes before I felt ready to drive home.

I learned that even when nothing feels like it will help, I can still begin the process and see where it leads. It was a reminder that even when the mind is loud and the body feels unsettled; the process can still begin. The brain may stay locked on danger longer than we want it to, but gentle practices can still help create a path back toward steadiness. You do not have to feel convinced for the process to begin working. Sometimes it starts with one small step, one honest observation, and one tender choice to keep going.

If you are tired or overwhelmed take care of yourself. Slow down, ask for help when needed, pay attention to the warning signs your body gives you. Because strength is not pretending nothing is wrong.it is learning how to care for yourself before everything else begins struggling too.

First lets try and calm the storms edge and then create a safety shift plan for you.

Take a Minute and Try Calming the Storm's Edge

Use this reflective space with gentle preparation, not force and when you’re ready follow the prompts.

1. Notice your breathing.Take a quiet moment to pay attention to how you're breathing right now. You do not need to change it.What do you notice?  Example: "It feels tight and shallow. That's okay, I'm just noticing."

2. Rest your attention.Choose one slow breath or notice the tiny pause between breaths. What happens in your body when you notice that pause? Example: "My shoulders lower a little. I feel a tiny bit more aware of my body."

3. Comfort your senses.Look for one simple thing that would feel comforting right now. Example: Gentle warmth, soft music, fresh air, touch, a scent you love or a warm cup of tea and snuggling under a blanket.

4. Name what's here.Say what you feel without trying to change it or make it better. Naming what's present helps you acknowledge it safely. Example: "I feel tired and unsettled. It's a lot, and I don't have to solve it right now."

5. Ask yourself, "What helps my body know it's safe enough in this moment?

Example: "Hearing the birds outside reminds me the world is still okay in small ways."

6. Notice any small settling.Shift your attention, does anything in you begin to ease, even slightly? What do you feel changing, if anything? Example: "My mind feels less jumpy. My breathing feels more natural again."

7. Offer yourself a gentle message. Before you end, say something kind to yourself. What feels true or comforting to hear right now? Example: "You don't have to do everything at once. Just be here, that's enough."

What can I use right now that might help me the most?

Create safety wrap up in a warm blanket or robe. Turn off extra noise. Clear one small space. Choose one thing to do next. Step away from overstimulation.

Connect Text someone safe. Sit near a calm person. Pet an animal. Ask for a hug. Call someone who understands

Breathe Inhale slowly through the nose. Lengthen the exhale. Place a hand on your heart. Try a calming breath cycle. Pause and breathe before responding.

Move Stretch your arms and shoulders. Shake out your hands. Take a short walk. Wiggle your toes or feet. Do gentle movement that feels safe.Ground Name 5 things you see. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice something you hear. Hold something with texture. Look around and remind yourself where you are.Gentle check inAm I safe right now? Do I need to eat, drink, rest, or take medicine? Do I need less stimulation? Do I need someone else’s support? Do I need to stop analyzing and just breathe?

Create Your Safety Shift Plan

Today, I do not have to do everything. I only have to do what helps me stay steady.

Create your own plan into a greater sense of safety, one small step at a time, using the prompts below. Building around the idea that safety can grow through steadiness, supportive connection, calming the body, releasing stress, and returning to the present moment.

Creating your personal safety shift plan is a way to move from the survival mind set trap into safety by using structure, connection, movement, breath, and grounding. When life feels overwhelming, I do not need to solve everything at once. I only need to take the next gentle step, choose one safety shift, and remind myself that I am still learning how to live with care.

Some questions to help you create your plan.

1. What helps me feel more in control?• What routines or small habits help my day feel more predictable?• What is one thing I can prepare ahead of time?• What can I simplify right now?

2. What helps me feel safe in relationships?• Who helps me feel calm, respected, and understood?• What kind of connection feels easiest for me right now?• What is one safe person I can reach out to?

3. What helps my body calm down?• When do I need to pause and take a few deep breaths?• What helps me notice that I am starting to tense up?

• What breathing practice can help me slow down?

4. What helps me release stress?• What movement helps me let stress leave my body?• Do I need a walk, a stretch, or a few minutes to move around?• What helps me reset when I feel overwhelmed?

5. What brings me back to the present?• What can I notice right now with my senses?• What helps me return to the moment I am in?• What reminds me that I am safe enough in this moment?

Make a list of Everyday Safety Shifts you can refer to when needed. 

Aim for 3 to 4 per question. You can also refer back to my everyday safety shifts if you need ideas.

1. What mindful chore or repetitive task would work for me?

2. What are some ways I can use to ground myself?  

3. What can I do intentionally and not rush

4. What can I use to create a quiet sanctuary?

5. What can I do in a predictable way so my nervous system learns trust?

6. What small, quiet task can I do to feel a sense of calm accomplishment?

7. What kind of movements can I do to help relieve stress?

8. How will I take time for self-reflection?

9. How will I reconnect with myself and the world?

10. What little things can I observe to appreciate the present moment?

11. What makes me laugh?

12. How will I anchor myself in the moment?

    
    

Coping with life-altering events and chronic illness support